The Second Plane of Hell is a whole lot of fun. This is where hookers, porn stars, nymphos, sex partiers, and adulterers hang out. It’s pretty windy though…hurricane force, really…so hookups are rare and usually involve head-on collisions, no pun intended.

Lots of folks from ancient cultures are down there, like Achilles, Cleopatra, Paris, Tristan, and Helen of Troy. Achilles once handcuffed himself to Helen of Troy, much to her chagrin, until she gnawed off her own hand. Now she has serious problems clapping. No pun intended.

If you have a map, it will blow right out of your hands, pun intended, so read the following to see what you should check out:

(1) Sir Lancelot’s castle. He’s permanently locked out and likes to jump up and down and shout toward the top spire, where Guinevere sits, shouting back. If he starts to annoy you, just push him into the moat. He gets eaten by alligators and then appears outside the castle again about five minutes later. Fun for all!

(2) The Pulpit of Minos. There’s always a crowd there, and he likes to randomly pick seven boys and six girls to go into this huge hedge labyrinth and fight with a bull. Minos doesn’t seem to remember that he’s no longer on earth, and the bull isn’t there. So the boys and girls go in and have sex (there’s a lot less wind in the hedge). Then they run out, screaming, and hope to get picked again later.

(3) The Huge Movie Screen. This is the biggest screen you have ever seen. I don’t even know the measurements. It plays the movie “From Justin to Kelly” over and over again, and a huge crowd of folks with less-than-average intelligence sit there, slack-jawed. Don’t watch the movie, unless you like torture, but the screen is something to admire!